Aladdin's Cave

Except my name is not Aladdin. And I paid for my bounty, not like that crook. Holy Frack did I pay..though not surprising, I am hardly known to be a purveyor of wise decisions. 

Water is also known to be wet. 

So it goes that I had been recently obsessed by the notion of purchasing far too many parts with no particular purpose for them for no particular reason. This notion was given extra impetus when I bought, and subsequently almost immediately sold my beloved BigEnd Roder wheels - despite having taken so long to find them, I was just feeling awash with an all-enveloping, p.i.t.a need to be particularly pedantic for the net benefit of null. Just headache, heartache and fruitcake. 

Regardless, I persisted. scouring the Japanese auction pages frantically and desperately, almost in fear of the stark acknowledgement of having done something incredibly idiotic in selling the Roders. Nothing came up, but as always whenever I venture onto the Auction pages, other things started appealing, and blurring my focus. Not that that is particularly difficult to achieve - wave any manner of treats or brightly coloured objects in front of my face and I'm [brown] butter. Then, a series of precariously opportune events happened, that in isolation meant little, but together gave impetus to the impulse purchase of epic futility. Firstly, I found someone willing to bid on items for me, seeing as my usual go-to was (wisely) avoiding me. I had then received an email from someone that wanted my Roders, and I had exclaimed that I was actually hoping to buy in a set from Japan and could potentially help. Uh-huh..I then also realised that, I had actually a bit of spare monies in my account. Spare in that, it was not doing anything, and rather than invest/save/something vaguely more intellectual than throwing it at inane purchases, I decided it could be thrown. At inane purchases. Then the nail in the coffin. I found a person that worked with sending containers from Japan to anywhere. End of rational thought. 

And it followed, a process of searching, missed bids, successful bids, and nothing really necessary or of any real purpose purchased. All the whilst ignoring "extraneous" costs to those issued thus far via the Paypal button for the bids. As the time passed, so the bounty accumulated. Realisation set in about the direction this situation was going; on a rather grander scale than any previous purchases from Japan, so I attempted to get some others to join in on the purchase. They did not catch - little did they know, much to their benefit. I continued undeterred. The months passed, the bids continued, and the costs piled on, though I denied their existence. I started going to eccentric paths, buying two sets of the same wheel, either to create the ideal set, or because I had found a "better" set after having already bought one. You know, as I am so ably endowed with a stable income. In the meantime, bidding duty transferred from the original Japanese fellow to the importer, as his apparent lack of grasp of English meant I was paying for items I did not request - only my lack of a sense of judgement is allowed to be responsible for such recklessness. Eventually I got bored, and decided it would be time to have everything shipped over. Which is when the real joy of this drawn out process came into play. Despite the export charge increasing by around 50% due to a "miscalculation" of item volume...of around 50%, that was not the issue.

I had grossly underestimated the effect of the actual importation.

Bah. And humbug. 

Once I had collected my heart, from amongst the bricks that found myself in my underwear at receiving the importation invoice, I duly paid my dues. I was tempted not to replace my heart back to its tiny void in my chest. Obviously, one further joy was reserved for me, for the arrival of the items. Having only seen them in photographs in Japan, I had no real grasp of their actual scale. 

Until I saw them piled at the bottom of my driveway returning late a Friday evening. All 439kg of it. Joy. At least the morning after would be suitably "animated", compared to my usual vigorous conscious coma. What it most certainly was not, was enjoyable. At all.

In the slightest.

Ever.

439kg. Of fastidiously over-packaged. Heavy. Assorted rubbish. Which needed to be moved up a very considerate, slippery slope. A kind hearted fox had also decided to lay down its worth in the narrow gap between the parked cars. There was not any spilt milk, but I shall continue crying thank you very much. 

But, in the end. I got my Roders [and 6 other sets of wheels, and a dashboard, and other miscellaneous junk. And a bleak financial future included for free.]. Worth it? HOLY SHART NO (STFU Voice of Reason)

Yayer

Cap Busting

Brap.

Cyclists.

Cannot say I care for them much.

Not really my cup of Joe.

Just Checkin'

Yep, still Baller.

I actually missed the sound of the scraping exhaust and mudguards.

A delightful bit of rake going on too, though any notions of a "Drag Racer" from the stance are profusely inaccurate 

Testify! Cefirius, 40:6 of the Church of Baller

What's this? An update in relatively swift succession of the last one? Something nefarious must be afoot. Drugs? Voodoo magic, ALIENS?!

No, just my old perpetual companion, boredom.

I was bored, and this time instead of staring at clouds and drifting off into a conscious coma, I figured there would be ample opportunity to achieve something. I felt the power, the power to achieve! Praise the Lawd. So. I toiled, and got some minor booboo's, and after a minor aeon, I had done it. I had rectified the Cefiro's former lingering ills.

Wait, its in the garage, whut?

It was getting its Baller back.

So baller, it even needed its own ramp to make its elegant descent back to the ground with the rest of us. Well, attempted elegant descent, as the sound of the grinding exhaust, sills, soft underbelly rather thwarted that notion.

It took far too long to do, and it may be a tad too low, but, its now back to its gangster roots. That, and there is not a chance in hell it ill ever get up the driveway now..

And this is the Baller's back ^_^

Yeayer, Get Crunk, O-KEIIII

A sunny, early-Autumn day brought about plenty of miserable sunshine, replete with hideous moderate temperatures and staid breezes. It was repulsive. It was also burning my right arm, furthering my transformation into a Michael Jackson "Through the ages" representation doll. This disgustingly boring weather spread its effect on me, its intense monotony achieving the unthinkable. Actually convincing me to exert physical labour. A quick phone call, and a desire to get my Crunk on, and early on Saturday morning I ventured down the M25, with a mouthful of disgusting cigar-flavoured unwashed teeth and fittingly greasy - for the greaser look - hair. On arriving, the Cefiro then decided to get its lean on, and enjoy the shade. 

Overwrought as always in my desire to be obscure and cryptic, though being foreign helps, what actually had this boredom motioned me to do? What had caused the Herculean effort of getting me to drive a full 40ish miles to a certain Eunos toting Bristolian's abode when hundreds of previous requests were declined, amidst my busy daily scheduled commitment of breathing? A quick sight above should perhaps make certain sentiments clearly. No, the wheels are not so misaligned that they look detached from the car. 

After what seems like aeons fluttered by, as they achieved no greater status than being wardrobe bling, I had decided to install my Kei Office Coilovers. WHATTT?! Yes Lil' John. At long last. I also needed the money from the sale of the former Apex Coilovers. Mystery uncovered.

Beyond that notion, I also desperately wanted to rid myself of the Apex Coilovers for a while now, which is why the Kei Office Coilovers sparkled their glamour to my other plethora of useless trinkets in the wardrobe. Being the inherent brand-whore that I am, and never settling for less than the questionable value of a renowned product company in the interests of superior R&D methodology and fitness for purpose - especially on a car of the Cefiro's current mission - despite not actually having money, ever, I never bonded with the provided suspension on the Cefiro. Whilst the onset of old age has its ruthless way with me, with the  deafening arthritic racket of my joints and my incessant aimless ranting resonating in my generally empty mind, the Apex Coilovers were not overtly unforgiving on rough surfaces. They were however, rubbish. 

That is all.

Far be it for me to leave it there, the Apex coilovers, for all intents and purposes, were unrefined. Ignoring for now the fact that the left front coilover with its loose locking ring made for an annoying clunking on any indentation on the road, they were generally left wanting on bigger, lower frequency bumps in the road, so in the primary ride. What seemed like a reasonable bound, gave way to a mismatched, overly eager rebound - in all that I could tell from my e-knowledge - giving way to exaggerated vertical motions and a lot of strokes of the suspension to settle. It was rather annoying, an occurrence rather evident in particular on motorways, were certain undulations in the road would have the front of the car bobbing like a lowrider, or a Porsche 911 with its backwards philosophy of weight distribution. This also rocked Sir's head far too much for his liking, and was rather tiring. Too much movement you see. 

And whilst the Kei Office coilovers I had purchased carried an identical 8/6 spring rate, I figured - hoped - that they would fix this slight annoyance, though groundless claims of being made of granite ridiculed my purchase by some. Meh. I learn by doing, and not by taking shamanistic proclamations to heart. I also mostly rue by doing and being proven wrong and having expended money on such. 

So, excuse formulated, intention set, and ready to carry this out. Getting over the slight difficulties of raising the Cefiro in all its gangster lowness, the wheels were off, revealing essentially just 14 bolts to remove in total. Pfft. The front coilover was removed in short order, and similarly replaced. The rear coilover I figured would be even easier, in all of its three holding bolts. I was incorrect to assume this. No amount of torquing, swearing, voodoo rituals and hammering on the one attaching bolt could loosen its grip. Not even with the utilising of half a can of miracle PlusGas could relinquish its hold. Whilst Harry departed for a while, I attempted to re-attack the offending bolt for all of about five seconds before giving up. Resorting to what most Italians would do when faced with such a situation at this time of day, and had lunch. Finishing that, I was rather disappointingly not overwhelmed by a superhuman bout of will and energy as I had expected, and so waited on Harry's return to continue, and entertained myself with some cloud spotting. It did not go well as it was a cloudless day. 

On the eventual return, despite the flood of PlusGas below, the bolt was not for turning. There was just not enough leverage on the breaker bar, and thus my lack of brute force had no effect on the bolt. So, I lifted the rear jack ever so slightly, re-attempted, and eventually, it cracked off. It only took me several hours to figure that notion out. With this in mind, the remaining damper units were swapped out in short order, and I was now suspended by Kei. 

Wheels back on, and, tears. Heartbreak.

What was once a sleek, low slung blob of a car, was now a nose-high, rear squatting, blob of a car. It looked like a ghetto donk. They see me rollin'...

I guess I will survive though, though I would bizarrely miss the gentle sounds of the cars' underbelly being ground away. However, the original purpose of the suspension change was starkly rewarding merely driving around the corner and over the first speed hump. The ride was improved, exceedingly so. It was taut, perhaps more so than the Apex coilovers, though I have no idea what setting the coilovers are currently on, but on returning down the speed hump the car no longer behaved like a crack-addled child on a pogo stick. It was bump, rebound, done. Huh. This is pretty awesome. This was further evident during the ride back, not once finding the mismatch in bound/rebound that would send the car oscillating on the low-frequency motorway undulations, and motions being generally for better controlled. Strangely, I also found the car to "roll" far more effortlessly, though the brakes, rolling assembly et cetera were all but untouched. I also found the steering to be a bit more incisive strangely, with a more direct connection, and a slighter heft, despite the nose-up stance. It could all just be placebo, though the Kei Office coilovers were far larger in diameter, thus perhaps could generally achieve...something. Oddly enough, one unwelcome factor of the Kei Office coilovers also portrayed the differences between it and the Apex units - the latter were astonishingly light, beyond the comparison with the former. Whilst looking at this characteristic superficially, it could be rather telling of the construction, durability and development of the unit itself, the Kei Offices in their short installation time already proving, albeit subjectively and to a generally clueless individual, to be vastly superior.

So I am content. With each drive the coilovers seem to appear that much tauter, but the controlled suspension movements are more than welcome retribution. I will need to have the setup aligned at some point, though on the still current Snow Tyres, the benefits would be rather futile. Now I can get into the garage, for once, or so I believe I can. I will then need to find a C-spanner. And figure out how to get the Cefiro back down when the "aesthetic issue" has been redressed. Plus ca change..

In the words of John the Little, Cefiro can now get Crunk, O-KEEEI. Yeayer

Domo

Just

Chillin'

Also, just breached 30MPG. Yaer

Oh Rather!

Cefiroluls in Oxford don't you know, I say

Reinforcing the Sill(y) Indulgences

The hell is this monstrosity?! [Hmm, I've seen this picture before..]

It's as big as a whale. Maybe its for a whale? Maybe ^_^

Behold!

So yeah, what is it?

So there you have it. End of the whince-inducing picture story. The abysmal title should've forewarned you, so no guilt is felt. You are reading this after all. And this. And this again. So. What we have here, are a set of erectile dysfunction crutches Sill Reinforcement Braces all the way from Malaysia. And they also weigh as much as a whale. Fitting then.

So, nature of this purchase? I have no reason to justify myself, but I shall - as a recent purchase was taking place in Singapore, and I was throwing enough money on nonessentials yet again, I figured it would probably be opportune to ask the recipient of my non-earned money - who aeons ago organised an Ultra Racing Group Buy of which I partook in - if he would be so kind as to alleviate my boredom by helping me spend more money. He was happy to oblige. As luck would have it, he was actually passing by Ultra Racing for an order anyway! Fate? Destiny? Whatever, obviously Buddha wanted me to have these with his none too subtle hint dropping, and so, despite roffling [but crying inside] at the price, I ventured forth with the purchase. Little did I know that by "Passing by" the guy was actually doing a 1000km DRIVE to Ultra Racing. Each Way.

And when I'm bored, I write this blog. Obviously different solutions to a single problem. So. Beyond my stereotypical justification of boredom/"why not?"/defending the substance of reasoning/clinical insanity as is quickly becoming usual of my purchases, I actually had further reasoning for the braces. As you may remember, when I first had the car lifted on, I was startled by the fact that the door would not close, leading me to infer that the Cefiro's chassis was indeed, made of blubber. Which lessened my surprise as whales are predominantly made of blubber, and therefore rendered this discovery, an obvious occurrence. And in my obsession for wanting to ultimately pwn at chassis development - which obviously justifies my expenditures, blatantly - I thus set forth to find a worthwhile item to help with such, before the downward spiral of retarded spending commences on this car as I turn it into a "project" and any and all of my purchases lack any notable scope.

You may vaguely recognise the form of these bars as I almost purchased something similar. Though some scoundrel in Japan sniped a bid from me and hurt my feelings. Those braces were apparently from ARC. And much prettier. However, that's where Ultra Racing seem to come in; I hate to create such notions of superiority, but I've always seen UR as the "Second Choice" when it came to bracing - made cheaply and cheerfully rather than engineered and made of gold and thus worth the piles of money I somehow manage to spend. Case in point:

Crush bends. Awesome.

Regardless, on first view, these braces seem substantial, with a heft befitting of their Cetacean connotations [at least this added weight is down low], though the odd, cheap measure is still in view. I have yet to know how these mount to the vehicle, but there are a multitude of mounting points, a lot of triangulation, and seemingly considerable tubing size, which would enforce the notion of adding a good deal of rigidity to the sills. As with most chassis stiffening measures - ignoring the recent Trunk brace I purchase which serves to take up luggage space ^_^ -  this would serve to decrease the amount of energy from the suspension to be transferred in flexing of structures. This should hopefully mean defter and more direct handling, possibly felt as less delay in response on turn-in for example.

I have been trying to figure out how to quantity any benefits, if at all, of the braces through testing - not that I know much beyond my name and age, but it would serve to make me feel clever. Obviously, trying to close the door with the car jacked up at one end would be a very scientific example of their effectiveness. I was also contemplating of actually measuring minute chassis flexing via the use of laser pointers, but have not worked out how or where to measure this from, or if it can be done within a reasonable degree of accuracy. Another testing solution was through driving - perhaps measuring any improvements in generated lateral force or slalom speeds, though obviously I am limited in options of such.

Bah.

A lot of effort, but it keeps me busy.

And with enough packaging to cover a whale.

So, what next of the glorious Whale? Well. Install some of this ish, obviously, GAWD. Though focus should hopefully be redirected to my other transportation. *Cough*.

Also:

This isn't a whale, this is a bug ^_^

The Height of Callous Logic

Hmm, it would seem like I am starting a music-based loop in my titling. Meh, it's better than some of the heinous creations before. This is an important issue, and you shall find importance with it, like I have.

:c

So, for the one person that reads the blog, and the no persons that reads this blog as well as the other, you will know, that I have recently added considerably to the festering mess currently residing in my room. And all the other detritus that isn't me. So, behold!

Basically none of it necessary, woot! Some of it isn't even mine, so fear not, those Kirsten Dunst Lazy-eye Headlights will feature nowhere in my vicinity. So what will feature, somewhere in the next couple of millenia or so? Not so much for the Cefiroluls, having shown myself some measured restraint/millions of missed auctions:

What you see there are:

- Useless rubbish

- Moar useless detritus

- A carpet

- Coilovers

- Wins Deflectors [not a typo]

- Another Nardi Steering Wheel

- A trunk brace

So, now to systematically explain my actions.

The Win Deflectors. Deflectors of Destiny. Deflectors of many wins. These actually need no explanation, they are deflectors and wins. And the Cefiro previously had its ones ripped off by an obviously brain-dead moron whose wish it was to make me cry. And he succeeded. The tabs are mostly in place too in the car, though, I still have no clue how the hell those, and the deflectors, become one.

It will be figured out, and it will look awesome. NEXT.

The coilovers, why? As some would say, you already have perfectly good ones and you're not going to track your car and insert some self-assertive opinion and STFU. You want to know why? I know you don't, but humour me. This is why:

Yes, we am, a Keiichi whore. A Tsuchiya tart. I'm just a slut. And for this, I make no excuse. Actually, the real reason I bought the coilovers are several, primarily of which I thought the Apex Coilovers currently installed were destroyed, for they were clunking. Loudly.

Turns out, the collar is just loose. More excuse hunting. Ah yes, they're not JDM. Yes, I am quite conceited but let me at least explain - as my rather insane expenditure proves, I do not take shortcuts. True, I have not yet accomplished anything with either vehicle or proven the worth of my expenditure, but for me, companies like Apex, Driftworks, et al, exist for no other reason than to make a profit out of a given market. They do not do the development, for the development is carried out by the companies that made the products theirs emulate. Speculation, granted, but I would feel it to be true on the most part.

Keiichi Tsuchiya is a man renowned for his knowledge of the car, handling, and racing. And so, I would trust his judgement over a CTRL+C Manufacturer. Not to say I would use the car in such a manner - though, I will eventually get the car to a condition where it will not feel totally out of place on a Track Day - but I would feel the components would be more accomplished. If only in my mind. That, and the damping on the Apex coilovers are really terrible. Soft springs and harsh rebound is how it feels to me, with plenty of vertical oscillation on certain bumps, which is amusing/irritating in equal measures. Last time I remembered similar occurences was when the rear JIC Coilovers on the Cynos had seized. Oh, and unlike they seem to have a reputation for, these coilovers are pleasantly devoid of leaking fluids and blood and STD's.

The steering wheel is rather self-explanatory - I am. Converting the Cefiro, to dual controls. So. I shall need two steering wheels. That is all that needs saying.

And being constipated after eating a 0.5kg bag of Kettle Crisps is delightful. No, the leather steering wheel was, and always will be a rash purchase - as I have copiously mentioned, it is as big as a galactic body, not too dissimilar to our current moon. However, it was Nardi and leather and bid. So, it was always in my intentions to purchase a smaller Nardi steering wheel, the lunar one was just going to tide me over with a Nardi fix. Yes, shallow muches. And, almost immediately, one was found! And as it was sent by Foot Mail, I have just received it. And there's a dead postman on my door step, every Rose has it's thorn etc. And, holy luls, what a difference.

No, srsly, there is a difference! Look!

See?!

Well, bah to you! It turned out to be a pleasant surprise that it is suede, for I heart it. Hard.

And in an event that can only be recognised officially as the Buddhist Karmic Festival of Epic Wins, I got yet another, USEFUL freebie. Yes. A useful purchase. And I didn't catapult a small country's earnings at it!

Now I can better reach the wheel, YAYAYAYEPICYAYS!

Mind you, yesterday was interesting, as in my rush - yes, I actually installed this in the same decade, space of two days actually! - to have this installed, something was certainly off. I was travelling in a straight line, yet my hands were at "Five to Five". Hmm. Odd. That, is probably, slightly incorrect. For going in a straight line necessitated canting the steering wheel around 65 degrees to the right. Ah. Oh well, cannot dillydally, have an appointment in London. I'll just have to, hold on, I don't do logic or thinking, I'll think of a solution later.

It made driving interesting, as it basically obscured the left-hand side of the speedometer. Meh. Unimportant issue. Which was rectified today. I KNOW! I'm on a roll. Actually, I was quite apprehensive of tackling the issue, as trying the same in the Cynos a couple of years ago resulted in hours of wrestling, in mud, and taking my clothes off and...

*Ahem*

Attempting to wrestle off the steering wheel for aeons, to no avail. Finally only a bearing puller at Harvey's workshop/barn would achieve what literally took 5 minutes to achieve in the Cefiro. OH.

So yeah, basically, no such issue with the Cefiroluls - it's luls for a reason! - bolt off, jiggle wheel off, reposition at a not-so-retarded-it's-actually-befitting-of-me orientation, bolt on, use a mallet to seat the horn button back in [Again, ya, rly], and, done. Donedy done. DONE.

And now I fall right back to retardations with this:

A brace. For the trunk. It is. A trunk brace. DING! That is the sound of an idea lighting in someone's head, as obviously, my head is a prehistoric cave. But wait. I have a motive! And what terrible motive. It is quite similar to the MO of another obscure purchase, for the Cynos this time. In essence - missed an auction, got bored/annoyed, bid on something else just to fill that void. Ya rly. ^_^

If you are waiting for me to justify myself, you'll be waiting a long while.

A very long while..

...Did you know that the S15 Spec-R Silvia had a similar trunk brace too? Brace, now worthy, DONE! ^_^

Oh, also, for such a small brace, it actually feels like it was formed out of a sumo wrestler. I'm presuming that is a dense material. It paints my picture. Palm to face. So, what next, gold-plated tyres? Duck down-stuffed cigarette lighter? Certainly, all due in short order. Mentioning tyres though, I would think, my grasps on the hope of another catatonic snow-out should loosen now, and as a result, I should ideally get some more adept rubber on the car. Seeing as the winter tyres are even starting to chunk due to their very soft construction.

Otherwise, not really much else is in store, either in the near future or in grander terms - I obviously have enough debris scattered across the house to keep me busy with installations on either car. The main priority is to get the Cynos at least mobile, and from there on I will be more compelled - once the Cefiro can actually crest the driveway - to get some items installed on the Nissan Cetacean . As such, I would hope especially to get the Kei Office Coilovers on soon, and professionally aligned/corner-weighted so as to at least keep me happy for a while. Until I get bored of keeping a "Fuel Economy" table.

It always seems that I manage to write endless legions of text to explain the most inane occurences, yet when something a bit more profound occurs, I let the pictures explain. I don't do logic, kkthx ^_^.

Holder, HOLDER. Holder of Cups I'm Pulling your Strings!

Greatness.

A measure of success. Of grand endeavours. Achievements of Epic Proportions. The Cefiro has reached that as of today. Behold, the single most epic enhancement performed on the Cefiroluls:




I absolutely. Wubs. This. Cubby box. Of Destiny. So much so I have Google'd the Act of "Dysfunctional Obsession of Storage Compartments", no results, but I shall create this -Philia. Not only is the Cetacean now a dashing looker and an endlessly comfortable barge, but, it now...



Can hold my cups!

^_^

Oh, and in his copious generosity, Shuhei gifted me some Starlet Steering bosses, one of which came with a handy steering wheel spacer, which I've happily installed:



Now I can reach the wheel, yay! Well, I could ideally use a few millimeters more but little joys at a time lest I should risk my beating heart implode from the heady mix of adrenaline. Next step, find a way to get rid of the booster seat I'm having to use to reach the pedals. And receive the next few packages incoming from Nippons.